This sharing is from a personal journal entry during one of my challenging times...
3....2....1
I am grateful to the universe for supporting me... for allowing Shaman Derek's talk to lift me up. He said
I want to do things not because I have to
I want to do things because I choose to because it gives me joy and I love to do it.
I find myself wanting to eject myself and run away from the hurt/pain after hearing about the favorite student. I wanted to take my drugs (men, just randomly message men and just sink into the attention they are currently giving me). I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL PAIN ... but wait I AM READY NOW, I CHOOSE TO FEEL IT AND BE WITH IT. This time I felt the SPACE between my trigger and my reaction/response.
Now I can take a pause , sink into that space, FOCUS ON ME and how I am feeling and address my needs with an affirmation, self-soothing techniques and Divine intervention.
I have a choice what to feel, think, and act... from a space of love.
I do not want the triggers but the appearance of triggers give me another chance to respond differently and make better choices.
P. S. It feels like a fire is starting inside me that is burning me and not others. How much I want to increase this fire and direct it to others because I am hurt and angry and I want to be heard (I want them to see my pain, I want them to know my pain, to be hurt the way I am hurting) ...... ...........and be loved and cared and comforted
But hurting others this way also hurts me... the greater the fire I create , the more pain I get.
I now run toward the hurt parts of me and give her a warm embrace... I AM HERE, I AM HERE...IT IS OKAY. I SEE YOU, YOU CAN RELAX , YOU CAN REST....and the fire dissipates, she is feeling safe now and comforted, she knows I am here. (I see myself like a newborn now being soothed by my own motherly care and love)
"I choose me, I am here for me, I love me, We are safe! "
I feel complete ❤️
-Sarah ❤️